Letting the Cables Sleep
by FumbleOfReality
Summary: Songfic. One X-Man can't sleep. Another helps them, or at least, tries to. (


My first songfic. I hope you like. :) 

It's sorta a mix between the comics and the movie. Sort of, I think. :) I just wrote it. If anything I wrote is innacurate, I'm sorry. I'm a newbie. :) 

Disclaimer: X-Men don't belong to me. Neither does Bush's "Letting the Cables Sleep". I have no monies. Don't sue me. :) 

~`~`~`~` 

_You in the dark_   
_You in the pain_   
_You on the run_

He sat silently, letting the rare silence cover him like a blanket on a cold day. His brow was creased in thought. His hard gaze traveled over the grounds of the Institute. The moonlight illuminated his face through the window. 

He sighed deeply. This time no smoke exhaled with the rejected gases his body didn't need. His cigar sat on an ash tray on the windowsill. All he had to do was light it, but he couldn't bring himself to move his arms. It was one of those times when one tells their body to do something, but the all knowing body refuses to move. So he accepted it and sat motionless. After a moment, he closed his eyes, hoping to block out the memories that could or could not be true. 

It was his memories that killed him. He had flashes of what he thought were traces of his past, traces of himself. When he followed up on those traces, he found they never existed. It was as if someone had taunted him with a piece of a memory that could or could not be his, led him on to believe it was his, that he had in fact done something he could remember, something worth remembering, but it turned out to be a cruel joke. 

_Living a hell_   
_Living your ghost_   
_Living your end_

Another sigh escaped him, his huge frame rising and falling. He shook his head a little in hopes of clearing his mind. No dice. He again shut his eyes to stop the sights of all the people that had been hurt or killed just by knowing him. All the faces of the ones he'd loved, cherished flashed before him. Some of them were smiling, images from happier times. Some had blank faces, no expression on their beloved faces. Others were images of them when they met their untimely end. Those were, obviously, the worst. Those images were the ones that drove him mad at times. Now, however, it just depressed him, put him in his place in his own mind. They all seemed to be asking him something with their eyes. His best guess was "why?". Yes, that was what they were asking him. He didn't know. He just _didn't know._

_Never seem to get in the place that I belong_   
_Don't wanna lose the time_   
_Lose the time to come_

For all the years that he could remember, he'd never done one thing right. No matter what he'd tried, he always added more blood to his hands. That was when he'd tried just running, running from what he didn't know and what little he did. That was, until he came here. Here, at least he got some sense of peace, no matter how false it seemed at times. Here, most of everyone accepted him for who he was, no matter how black and bloody his past was. Here, he felt accepted, no matter how many times he'd come close to screwing it up. Here, he cherished every minute, not wanting to forget it. He didn't want to forget this. His time here was worth too much to him to forget. 

_Whatever you say it's alright_   
_Whatever you do it's all good_   
_Whatever you say it's alright_

He knew he was a mess. He would be one of the first to admit it. At least, when he was in a talking mood. He'd been told by virtually everyone here that his past was exactly that: the past. They accepted him and his demons. The demons that woke him nearly every night in a cold sweat. The demons that tortured him in his sleep, throwing images of all his bad deeds at him, some not even committed by him. The demons that mad him thrash about, grunting and groaning, waking everyone nearby. Every time he tried to apologize, they told him it was okay, don't worry about it. _Don't be sorry, there's nothing to be sorry for. It's okay, really. Now go back to sleep, okay? _Like he could get back to sleep. 

_Silence is not the way_   
_We need to talk about it_   
_If heaven is on the way_   
_If heaven is on the way_

"Logan?" 

He jumped despite himself. He turned to see the lovely Jean Grey standing in the doorway, a worried look etched on her beautiful features. She was wearing a emerald green silk robe that perfectly matched her eyes. Her scarlet hair was pulled back into a simple pony tail. He tried his best to scowl at her, to send her away, but his ever knowing mind wouldn't let him. It seemed to know that he needed the comfort she would offer, that he needed to bear his soul. 

She grew even more worried at the haunted look in his dark eyes. She silently made her way over to wear he was perched on the windowsill. She sat in a chair near him. She leaned forward, trying to make it clear with her body language that she was here to listen if he needed to talk. 

He still said nothing. He turned his head to stare out the window again. 

"Logan," Jean said again. "Are you okay?" 

"That's always been a subject of debate, darlin'," he said, turning to look at her again. Her eyes were filled with compassion and understanding. It nearly killed him. How many times before had he looked into a woman's eyes and saw that? The thought threatened to bring the onslaught of faces in front of his eyes again. He blinked to stop play reel from starting. 

She gave him a small smile. "What's the matter?" she asked. "What ever's bothering you, you can tell me about. It's better to talk about it." 

_You in the sea_   
_On a decline_   
_Breaking the waves_

He sighed yet again. He knew he couldn't keep from talking. His brain had collected the random feelings his heart felt, sorted through them, and thrown them together to form coherent thoughts that others would understand. His tongue itched to form the words, let them leave his head and have someone try to help him make sense of them. Almost without knowing it, he bared his soul to the one person he desired most, but knew he couldn't have. The ring on her finger was a constant reminder. He chose to not worry about that, and spoke his heart. 

Jean was silent throughout. When he struggled to put into words how he felt, she nodded encouragingly, squeezed his huge hands in silent comfort, and smiled in understanding. She knew he was breaking down walls in his mind, and his heart as well. She knew how hard it was for him to express his feelings other than anger. 

_Watching the lights go down_   
_Letting the cables sleep_

By the time he was done, the moon was leaving them to visit the other side of the world and the sun was saying its early hello. Jean had yet to say anything since he'd started his heart-felt confessions. The vast mansion was silent. No one made sounds from inside the estate. Birds were beginning to chirp their good mornings, but the silent pair refused to listen to them. Squirrels woke from their slumber to start their day. 

But all was quiet in the Xavior Institute for Gifted Students. The only sounds made were grumbles made by sleeping beings, the occasional person rolling over. 

_Whatever you say it's alright_   
_Whatever you do it's all good_   
_Whatever you say it's alright_

"So that's my ramblin' of a life darlin'," Logan said. "That I remember anyways." He smiled at the irony in his last statement. It wasn't lost on Jean. "So, what's yer psycho analysis?" 

She smiled at him again. "Like I've told you before, we all have pasts. Hardly any of them are pleasant. Look at Remy. You think he's proud of his past? No. No one lives the ideal life. You can't blame yourself for everyone that you've known that's died. _You_ didn't kill them. I'm sure they knew the dangers that came with loving you, and they chose to stay with you anyway. That's nothing for you to blame yourself for." 

_Silence is not the way_   
_We need to talk about it_   
_If heaven is on the way_   
_We'll wrap the world around it_

He sat in thought. What she said made sense. But it didn't help the pain or regret. Nothing he ever did helped with the pain and regret. He had long since accepted their company, knowing they were too well acquainted with him to depart. Maybe it was stupid of him to accept that he was more than a name on their Christmas card list, but he knew no other way. He almost felt lost without their companionship. 

"Logan?" Jean asked. "What are you thinking of now? It's okay to talk. I'll help you. I promise." 

He looked at her, stared into her green eyes. _Is she mad?,_ he thought. _Has she heard nothing I've said?_

_If heaven is on the way_   
_If heaven is on the way_

"Logan," Jean said again. "It's not good to keep everything bottled up inside." 

"I told ya everythin', Jeannie," he said. "What else do ya wanna know?" 

"I want to know what you were just thinking about," she said, reaching forward to take his hand. He stared at her hand in his. Slowly, he looked into her eyes again. 

"Ya don't wanna know, darlin'," he said gruffly. "Trust me." 

"Yes, I do, Logan," she said. "I can't help you if I don't know what's wrong. I need to know what you're thinking to help." 

"Exactly the problem." 

_I'm a stranger in this town_   
_I'm a stranger in this town_   
_I'm a stranger in this town_

_He's closing hiself of,_ Jean thought. After pouring his heart out to her, he was claming up. He was rebuilding the walls around his heart and mind that she had so carefully taken down. It wasn't the typical white picket fence with the "Private Property" sign on it he was replacing the walls with either. It was more like a fifteen-foot chain length fence with barbed wire along the top. The sign read: "Warning: High Voltage." High voltage indeed. He was returning to his typical gruff style. The man that was willing to bear his soul to fix his problems in hopes of helping himself was disappearing. The Logan everyone else knew was taking his place. 

_If heaven is on the way_   
_If heaven is on the way_

"Jean?" 

Jean turned to see Scott, her fiance, walking towards her in his robe. His frow burrowed at the sight. Jean was still holding Logan's hand, sitting less then a foot away from him. Logan gave a deep growl. 

"I was worried when you weren't there when I woke up," Scott said, crossing his muscular arms. 

"I got up to get something to drink," she said, not moving. She could tell her lover was mad, but a friend in need was important to her and something she couldn't walk away from. She rose, still holding Logan's hand. "When you need to talk, you know where to find me," she whispered. Logan nodded. She bent down and gave him a soft kiss on his forehead. She turned and walked past an angry Scott to get a drink of water. Scott left without a word. 

_I'm a stranger in this town_   
_I'm a stranger in this town_

Logan remained where he was. The sun was now greeting the world brightly. He heard the grandfather clock chime the time, but he paid it no heed. His thoughts swarmed him. He could still feel Jean's soft lips on his forehead. He savored the feeling, knowing that was the most affection she would ever show him. 

He hadn't meant to bottle his feelings like he had. Why he had, was beyond him. His past lovers weren't kidding when they said he was a hard man to get to know. Sometimes he barely knew himself. 

End. 


End file.
